The World's Worst Library Patron

This faculty member, a screechy, whiny old woman with absolutely no sense of perspective, comes barging into the library (if one can "barge" into a library) demanding to know where her books are. "Where are my books I ordered?" She demands. "It's been months!"

I've explained to this woman before that we live in the UAE. Books take a long time to arrive. The ordering process is slow. She'll get an e-mail when they get here. We don't order books for faculty anyway, we take recommendations from faculty on what to order for the students. They're not her books. "Well I'll never order from the library again!" She threatens.. "I'm fed up!" Good, I'm thinking. Please, please keep that promise.

We keep a copy of a particular magazine, let's call it "Boating with Felines", in hard copy. We also have this magazine available in about 12 different databases, in full-text, all the way up to the most current issue. This woman absolutely demands that we also pay to subscribe to the magazine's website, because she can't be bothered to come into the library to read the hard copy, and doesn't like the databases because they don't have colors and graphics.

Now, coming from any other half-way likable idiot, I could entertain these complaints with a much wider degree of tolerance. But coming from her, they're unbearable. Not only are her demands ridiculous and self-centered, not only are her responses petulant and childish, but she is just so RUDE. I've never met an adult human being more blatantly rude than she is. As I'm patiently explaining how things work and trying to be courteous, helpful, sympathetic and understanding (an incredible feat on my part), she's blowing me off, waving her hand in my face, turning her back to me and walking away, as if I'm some kind of library serf-servant who has displeased her.

I'm sorry, the next time this woman comes to talk to me we're all going to be very lucky if I don't shred her to pieces for being all the evil, unbecoming things she is. "He-llo!" I want to say while smacking her across the face, "we're here to teach an incredible group of young women to be the leaders of the next generation, not be f*cking b*tchy to the librarians!!"