Up-Selling: Always Be Closing

Dubai, it seems, is pushing us dangerously close to the ledge we've always known was out there for us, but that we trusted we'd never completely go over:  The We Don't Cook Anymore Ledge.   Don't get me wrong:  We still grill up some chicken from time to time, and we still make spaghetti every now and then, but these events seem to be getting fewer and farther between.  The problem is the plentiful, cheap and delicious delivery options, combined with our reluctance to shop for groceries.  So here we are.  Flirting with the abyss we thought was reserved only for pampered urbanites and the culinarily challenged.  Every night we sit around and decide if we want to order Chinese, Arabic, Indian, Pakistani, or if the mood is right, American.  And then it comes to us and we eat it, shaking off a slight sense of shame that it's now been two weeks since we turned on the stove.  

One evening this week we were going through this routine and were disappointed to learn the Gyro Man was out of gyros.  We cast about for an acceptable alternative, but none of our usual options sounded like the perfect thing.  It was then that I remembered the sign on our street for Hardee's restaurant.  I googled Hardee's Dubai, found that they deliver, perused their menu, and gave them a call.  There was something unique about their call-center:

"Assallam-ulaikum, Hello, how can I serve you!"

"I'd like to order some food for delivery..."

"Excellent, sir. Would you like to try our dee-lishious Western Burger? It comes with barbecue sauce and fried onion rings! It is quite dee-lishious, sir!" '

"OK...that sounds good.  I'll have one."

"Medium or Large, sir?"

"Medium."

"Excellent Choice Sir!"
"OK, I'll also have a chicken burger."

"Would you like a large chocolate cookie!  They're delicious!" 

"Sold."

I was fascinated by a couple of things about this exchange:  The first was that Hardee's had successfully spent their advertising budget:  On signage, on the website, and on the friendly gentleman who answered the phone.  I also was slightly disoriented by the TGIFriday's-esque salespitch I got from the call-center operator.  Does he get a bonus if he sells more cookies and Western Burgers?  If so, how much must it be to justify his extreme cheerfulness?  The whole thing felt extremely western-capitalist-customer-service, in a way that many of our interactions do not, but it also felt new, like this guy had not yet had his soul crushed by weight of thousands of the exact same call.  Here's hoping my cookie purchase was the one that put him over the top.  

Speaking of up-selling, we drove out to the beach last night after finding out by phone that a beautiful private beach at the Umm Al Quwain Beach Hotel allows non-guests to use their facilities for a mere 50 Dirhams (13.00 USD) each.  We headed out early, eagerly anticipating a day of sipping beers in the sun.  When we arrived though we found that either a private party, a decision by the Sheikh, or a whim of the manager had made today "Hotel Guests Only".  Downcast, we drove around Umm Al Quwain, making a liquor store stop and splurging on a bottle of Johnny Black, calling the two other hotels in the area and deciding that their beaches were insufficiently beach-y, before finally convincing ourselves it was a special occasion, calling back to the people who turned us away, bargaining them down to a price we could almost justify, and telling them "OKAY!  WE'LL TAKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT!  ARE YOU HAPPY?!"  We were.  It was a fantastic day at the beach and it made it a beautiful weekend.  Money well spent.